


of pink drinks and eldritch horrors

by eggsandpoke



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Fluff, HLVRAI, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, Happy Ending, Idk how to tag things, M/M, T for swearing, barista benrey, bnerey has a silly little bandaid on his helmet, but its basically that sorry, gordon is not a furry i just wanted to add that in bc its funny, he/they benrey, i will not say crack fic in 2021 i am above that, i wrote this for my friends, ig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29135121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggsandpoke/pseuds/eggsandpoke
Summary: gordon has a mighty thirst for a beverage, as some may call it. he goes to his local starbucks (copyright, i dont own starbucks) to find a silly man behind the counter. funny haha's ensue!
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	of pink drinks and eldritch horrors

**Author's Note:**

> although this is a joke, please take it 100% seriously. i may or may not make another chapter. the last time i wrote serious fanfiction was in 7th grade.

the wind blew to door shut behind gordon, spooking the grown-ass man. he sighed and rubbed his eyes, attempting to somewhat wake himself up before his first human interaction of the day. he readjusted his tail and walked towards the counter, preparing himself mentally to say his fairly simple order: _one large- wait fuck this is starbucks- umm venti? yeah one venti pink drink yeahhhhhh_

gordon walked his silly little ass up to the counter, taking a deep breath, and prepared himself to order. on the other side stood a short little man who looked to be about 6’2, with a strange metal helmet on his head. gordon also noticed that the weird man also had heavy eyeliner and a weird soggy bandaid on the helmet. guess starbucks doesn’t have a dress code!

“hey. what’s up, dude. whataaaauhhhhh can i get for you.” the helmeted man drawled out.

taken aback by the man’s strange speech patterns, gordon stood in shock, unable to say his practiced order.

“dude. are you gonna order or not. you’re kinda holding up the line” the coffeeboy said, gesturing to the empty store.

“What? There’s not even a line? I’m the only one in here!” gordon blurted out, suddenly enraged. this dumbass little coffee starbucks little mccafe itty bitty little bitch pinkity drinkity boy was pissing him the FUCK off, and he wasn’t sure why.

“welp.” lip smack, “order something bud. i aint got all day.” the bitchperson explained, leaning against the counter. “i’m a verrrry busy guy. and this corporation has employees to take advantage of. like myself.”

confused and honestly just tired, gordon sighed and gave in. “Okay yeah, whatever I’ll get the umm…” he trailed off and glanced up to the menu for comfort, “a venti pink drink. Yeah.”

the other very much so human across the counter tapped on the screen in front of them a few times before looking up. “yeah ok that’ll be $3.79”

gordon trifled through his jacket pocket and pulled out his ‘credit card’ that had a picture of a large golden retriever on it (thank you tommy!) and slid it over to the funny hat boy.

“wuh. sorry i cant accept this sir.” the- wait what was this dude’s name? gordon glanced down at the cashier’s 100 gecs shirt to see a nametag. it read as ‘benrey’ in crude handwriting. _what a gay-ass name._

“Wh… What the fuck do you mean you can’t accept it?? It’s a credit card man! Visa!” the feetman gesticulated wildly, “You know what, I’m starting to get suspicious of you… Do you even work here?”

“bro im sorry its a new policy” benrey explained, “we only accept Reddit Karma now. do you need a converter for dollars to karma?” benrey stuck out his Cellular Device out to gordon. the browser opened to a brightly colored website with the aforementioned converter.

“REDDIT KARMA?” gordon was shocked. astounded. gobsmacked. bewildered, even! “WHAT? I… REDDIT? KARMA? DUDE…. I…” gordon blubbered, waving his arms around. “I… is your manager here?”

benrey grinned devilishly and cackled a bit. “ohhhhhh buddy. ohhhhhhh fella. ooooooohhohohoh.” they wiped their eyes and settled down. “bro. i am the manager”

gordon felt his life crumbling around him, and it reflected in his surroundings. the walls began to wither away into a dark black abyss and the floor began to flood slowly with water. the counter between the two seemed to be the only thing that remained.

"Wh... What in the FUCK is going on" gordon yelped, knees quivering like a little bitch.

benrey glanced around, completely unphased by the events unfolding around them. “sorry that happens sometimes.” 

gordon felt like he was going to die. not just because he had entered probably literal hell, but because this doof ass bitch boy was acting like this was just 'anotha day in da star bucks coffee!' "I cannot BELIEVE-"

he was interrupted by some obnoxious mouth noises from the barista across from him. “ay dude im sorry about all this. since it's a new policy and all ill give you the drink on the house.”

before gordon could articulate a response to them, benrey disappeared to somewhere below the counter. after a few seconds of various pours and shakes, he emerged with the sought after drink- thy pink drink. gordon stared at it for a second, his gut pleading him to run, attack the man in front of him, or just die. he brushed it off and grabbed the drink- he came here with a purpose, after all.

as soon as his fingers met the plastic cup, the coffee shop around them reformed instantly. gordon jumped back in surprise, and like before, the cashier simply stared at the pristine decor around them.

as much as gordon wanted to freak the fuck out again, it was too early for a second round of hooping and hollering.

“well have a good one. take care and get some karma”, benrey said, waving the bearded man out of the store.

gordon sighed and shuffled his way to and out the door. only once he had left the store did he realize that the helmeted aaauagggsgehwjjjsjwej had left their phone number on the outside of the cup. he rolled his eyes and ignored the heat forming upon his face as he took a sip of his newly acquired drink.

damn. it was good as fuck.


End file.
